January 09, 2014

Private: 5043 – Chelsea Plagenza

I came out to my parents over a year ago, and to myself about six years ago. It was fairly easy for me to accept who I was because since I was small, I always loved to dress up and was a big tomboy. Eventually I did wish I was a boy because I began to develop feelings for girls. I didn't entirely realize this until sixth grade. The first day of school a girl walked into my class and the minute I saw her, I knew I liked her. Sure we had never met before but that didn't stop the feelings. For about two years I continued to have a huge crush on her. I accepted it but she wasn't too nice to me. After a few years I began to stray from her and fell for…of course…my best friend. Now this was a rough few years in my life, more so than with the first girl. To sum it all up, nothing worked out in my favor and there was a lot of hurt.

Eventually I began talking to girls as I knew I would never want to date a boy. I tried that plenty of times and it just felt awful to me. I was never happy. As I started to date girls, it felt so right. I began to feel those sparks that every love story in books, movies, and poems has going on. I felt happy when I was with girls.

Down the road I met a girl who lived three hours away from me. We met through a social media site because I wasn't out in my area and didn't know any girls that were actually gay. We started talking and a few months in we wanted to see each other. She was the reason I came out to my parents. Not the entire reason, but she was the push. Before I tried to come out to my mother but I just felt like I didn't have a purpose. Not that you should need one, but I needed some type of push. This girl was that push.

My mother and I have a hard time communicating feelings, well mostly me, so we write notes to each other. I hadn't done this in a while but I did now. I wrote her a three-page letter about this girl, and how I wanted to see her, and explained myself coming out talking about the past and the present. Silly me, I left the letter taped to the inside of her bedroom door on a school night. She didn't see the letter until early the next morning and I was a nervous wreck! After she read it we spoke and she asked me questions like "Are you sure?" Things any parent would ask, but she also told me she was completely okay with it and she was glad I told her.

Later that day we told my dad and he was okay with it too, now he makes loads of jokes and I'm okay with that. The next week we told my brother. For this I got an image off of Tumblr that said "Well…" followed by a blank space, then "I'm a lesbian" all the way at the bottom. I sent it to him via text message. When he got it he came in my room where I told my parents to stay with me. He thought it was a joke! He was okay with it and now he occasionally calls me his lesbian sister which I am also okay with. My family is very supportive and accepting and I am so lucky.

In June that year we took a trip to NYC where the girl, Natalie, was and I met her. We spent the whole day together – everything was perfect – and that day, June 2nd, we became official after talking for four months. We also took another trip a few months later.

A year later I came out to my closest friends and they were very supportive as well. One by one I told them and we all became so much closer and finally I felt more like myself, not having to hide anything. Months later we all took a trip to the city for me, to see Natalie. It was a beyond perfect day and I could not have asked for anything better.

After that trip, not too long after, I came out to my entire family, who were all very supportive and loving. I got messages from my Florida family, my Walton family, my grandparents, uncles, cousins, saying how they love me and are very proud of me and even asking about Natalie. Now this was a huge step and I was very nervous in coming out to all that I did, but in the end it was the best decision yet. I am so happy that I can be entirely myself and not lie to my family or best friends. Eventually I hope to be completely out by senior year. I do not plan to make a huge statement, just if someone asks who I like or if I have a boyfriend, I won't lie anymore.

I have come to a rough point in my life relationship-wise and I am trying to put the pieces back together. I am taking a trip to NYC with my whole family in July and I don't know what will happen, but I do hope things work out for the best. No matter what happens I am so glad things worked out how they did because it has molded me into who I am today, and I could not be happier.